The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
the liver wants what the liver wants
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
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