Texts From Last Night

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  (389): View more from

  So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"

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  (389): So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut" http://tfl.nu/g5tq
  Replies (4) Good night (1319) Bad night (573)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.

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  (617): living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST. http://tfl.nu/nhyx
  Replies (20) Good night (3795) Bad night (548)
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  (949): View more from California

  if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous

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  (949): if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous http://tfl.nu/ia7j
  Replies (28) Good night (9094) Bad night (1140)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  you will always have a special place in my vag

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  (828): you will always have a special place in my vag http://tfl.nu/evl8
  Replies (23) Good night (5852) Bad night (1236)
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  (805): View more from California

  I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed

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  (805): I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed http://tfl.nu/07h0
  Replies (15) Good night (3062) Bad night (987)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?

  (325): View more from Texas

  Jail. That could go wrong.

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  (901): Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong? (325): Jail. That could go wrong. http://tfl.nu/f51a
  Replies (5) Good night (2246) Bad night (773)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester

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  (770): My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester http://tfl.nu/20yd
  Replies (11) Good night (649) Bad night (3014)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.

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  (919): Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today. http://tfl.nu/hnp2
  Replies (12) Good night (6580) Bad night (852)
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  (310): View more from California

  Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"

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  (310): Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there" http://tfl.nu/gk1u
  Replies (3) Good night (1386) Bad night (618)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.

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  (303): Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night. http://tfl.nu/q0n9
  Replies (7) Good night (1189) Bad night (536)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight

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  (404): I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight http://tfl.nu/qgh6
  Replies (4) Good night (425) Bad night (941)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.

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  (507): My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp. http://tfl.nu/u9b9
  Replies (0) Good night (700) Bad night (376)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.

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  (513): Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough. http://tfl.nu/b714
  Replies (4) Good night (531) Bad night (388)
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  (585): View more from New York

  My inner pteradactyl is also confused.

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  (585): My inner pteradactyl is also confused. http://tfl.nu/ve6u
  Replies (3) Good night (743) Bad night (263)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.

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  (425): I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled. http://tfl.nu/8xcn
  Replies (1) Good night (705) Bad night (259)

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