i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together