Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.