Texts From Last Night

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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.

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  (604): Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum. http://tfl.nu/jh54
  Replies (13) Good night (706) Bad night (884)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.

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  (919): I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment. http://tfl.nu/zj28
  Replies (25) Good night (3257) Bad night (1057)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?

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  (662): New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests? http://tfl.nu/8lkf
  Replies (15) Good night (2713) Bad night (1022)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground

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  (480): I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground http://tfl.nu/mit9
  Replies (22) Good night (1202) Bad night (4426)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.

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  (303): I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete. http://tfl.nu/q4l5
  Replies (19) Good night (4805) Bad night (1306)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."

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  (412): Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes." http://tfl.nu/8fia
  Replies (15) Good night (1221) Bad night (5515)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  You're like the curious george of whores

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  (512): You're like the curious george of whores http://tfl.nu/l01l
  Replies (5) Good night (3646) Bad night (902)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...

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  (978): FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong... http://tfl.nu/4k47
  Replies (7) Good night (4070) Bad night (1024)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend

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  (216): every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend http://tfl.nu/09b0
  Replies (8) Good night (2325) Bad night (1113)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here

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  (614): We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here http://tfl.nu/ha0m
  Replies (6) Good night (1468) Bad night (585)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  How can a condom be "half used"?

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  (218): Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face (763): How can a condom be "half used"? http://tfl.nu/3d85
  Replies (13) Good night (1486) Bad night (754)
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  (607): View more from New York

  Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!

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  (607): Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?! http://tfl.nu/6znz
  Replies (5) Good night (879) Bad night (481)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.

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  (702): Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day. http://tfl.nu/accn
  Replies (1) Good night (462) Bad night (620)
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  (325): View more from Texas

  Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money

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  (325): Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money http://tfl.nu/w1qk
  Replies (1) Good night (515) Bad night (360)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street

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  (850): So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street http://tfl.nu/mxrn
  Replies (3) Good night (788) Bad night (431)

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