Texts From Last Night

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  (208): View more from Idaho

  i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.

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  (208): i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy. http://tfl.nu/3jyj
  Replies (22) Good night (1576) Bad night (626)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once

  (1-440): View more from Ohio

  that is the greatest description ever

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  (440): it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once (1-440): that is the greatest description ever http://tfl.nu/1t1l
  Replies (9) Good night (2285) Bad night (459)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...

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  (254): I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer... http://tfl.nu/1ty6
  Replies (28) Good night (3244) Bad night (6466)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.

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  (904): Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened. http://tfl.nu/0eyi
  Replies (10) Good night (955) Bad night (5291)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.

  (1-519): View more from Ontario

  You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.

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  (519): my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar. (1-519): You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make. http://tfl.nu/j6t1
  Replies (12) Good night (10171) Bad night (1274)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.

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  (330): After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant. http://tfl.nu/zp63
  Replies (28) Good night (1420) Bad night (10243)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.

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  (512): We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots. http://tfl.nu/ta1s
  Replies (10) Good night (1250) Bad night (1711)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off

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  (251): Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off http://tfl.nu/essr
  Replies (9) Good night (2403) Bad night (764)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!

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  (405): The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes! http://tfl.nu/kv24
  Replies (15) Good night (2646) Bad night (605)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?

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  (717): How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling? http://tfl.nu/pzfw
  Replies (7) Good night (1630) Bad night (416)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.

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  (920): Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience. http://tfl.nu/3t0z
  Replies (0) Good night (1130) Bad night (450)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.

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  (919): Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork. http://tfl.nu/g3ta
  Replies (6) Good night (892) Bad night (553)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.

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  (314): My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done. http://tfl.nu/u7ub
  Replies (1) Good night (823) Bad night (306)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.

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  (215): There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry. http://tfl.nu/7teg
  Replies (8) Good night (410) Bad night (607)
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  (310): View more from California

  Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.

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  (310): Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed. http://tfl.nu/wzcc
  Replies (2) Good night (156) Bad night (293)

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