Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
