my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
