I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn