Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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