i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Green mimosas i think yes
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
