I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
This gyro tastes like lonliness
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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