the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
