today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
