you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
