I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
