ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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