6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
