His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You dont lie about slip and slides
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
