We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
