so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
