I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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