I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
MIDGETS
????
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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