I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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