I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
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