last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
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I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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