I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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