Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
