jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
