Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
