I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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