you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
