dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just threw up on my dentist
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
