get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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