I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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