dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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