piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
