Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Randomize
