chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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