I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
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I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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