hotel room ftw
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
