last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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