I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
