I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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