all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
