Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
