Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
