At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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