That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
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I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
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