Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Sober January is a disaster.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Randomize
