I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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