First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
