I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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