yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
