I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
