Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
