proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Dignity is for republicans.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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