She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
