I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
