Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
