FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
