Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
