Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
