So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
