i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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