My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
