I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
