After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
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