I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
