Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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