He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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