textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
