I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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