it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
