I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
