That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
