I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
