my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
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She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
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Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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