Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize