so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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