i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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