i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
