Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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