so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
