Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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