Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
