Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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