Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
