I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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