that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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