I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
