I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
