You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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