Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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