...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
