she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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