i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
