the condom got lost in my hair
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
