he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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