You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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