At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
